Na na na na na, Na na na na na. Na na na na na naaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Back to the island we go for the fourth time! No wait, Lost World and 3 never happened. That’s probably for the best.
Jurassic World picks up in the present day, 22 years after the first movie. In a move that makes sense to human nature (both in the real world and Hollywood), greed refuels the plans for Jurassic Park. New investors (and some of the same scientists) bring John Hammond’s dream to fruition: a fully functioning theme park with living, breathing dinosaurs. Jurassic World, built on the same land as the original, has been up and functioning well for many years. With any theme park, the need to build the newest and greatest attraction to bring guests in is always a problem for management. For Jurassic World, the solution is to genetically engineer a brand new, pants wetting, new dinosaur. “Will it scare the kids? It’ll give the adults nightmares!”
Even if you go into this movie knowing nothing, in just a few minutes you know exactly what’s going to happen. They set this dinosaur up as the new Big Bad right away and pump it up with each and every scene. Then the tricky little minx gets out of her room and goes buck wild on anything standing in front of her with a pulse. It’s the dino rampage that will put butts in theatre seats!
I must say that the movie starts strong but never does anything new or really exciting. It’s a competent paint by the numbers summer movie that’s perfectly happy towing the line for about 2 hours. The cast is great, they all deliver their lines, are sometimes genuinely funny and can run and scream at the same time. I like Chris Pratt a lot and Bryce Dallas Howard is a great foil for him. I’ve heard some hate on the two kids, but I didn’t find them offensive. They both do their jobs well.
Production wise, it’s got a lot of care put into it. The whole park is realized from hotels, rides/attractions, labs, park amenities and upkeep facilities. There’s a ton of great detail and design work (they should have really thought about their wireless connections as apparently the signals for both walkie-talkies and cell phones are crap at the most perfectly inconvenient of times). There are quite a few dinosaurs on display and they are all…blue. It’s a really unnatural and jarring tint that makes a lot of the CGI creatures look poorly composited in daytime shots. I’m not sure why they look like that, but they at least look way better in the night portion of the movie. Animation is very good at least and the sound design is fantastic.
As the movie goes on, you notice a lot of nods to the original film. Mr. DNA, a few props like the night vision goggles and Jeeps, the torn banner. The two kids are also jammed in there with a weak family backstory (Alan not wanting kids in the original, these two with the potential divorce of their parents gets a quick mention and them never seeing Claire). Then there are the homages that are more or less rip offs. The attack in the bubble car is way too similar to the original T-Rex attacking the kids in the tram car scene. Claire waving a flare to get attention is just like the original, it didn’t need to be done again (can’t lie though, it looked really cool).
My biggest problem is the bone headed wrap it up ending. I’m going to go full on spoiler the last 20 minutes, so skip down to the last paragraph if you don’t want to know it. Everything just works out perfectly in a series of unbelievable events, it’s eye rolling dumb.  There’s a lot of secrecy about what the Indominus Rex was made from and the realization that it’s part raptor is a major twist. It talks to Owen’s pack of raptors and makes them turn. A great idea, a great reveal and the following action scene is probably the best in the movie. After a long chase that leads to the “Main Street” of the park, the turned raptors are suddenly down with fighting the Big Bad again (after one conveniently eats the one Big Bad human in a room of 5 delicious choices). All Owen had to do was act like a cool dude and take off a GoPro strapped to this 8-foot tall murder machine. When things go south again after the raptors get tossed around like punks, Claire gets the idea to go get the T-Rex to stop the I-Rex (ugh). Apparently this monster is not only held right in front but when her cage opens (thanks only control room guy to stay behind!), she’s standing right there, ready to go. The only thing she was missing was a stars and stripes robe and the PA system pushing out Kid Rock’s “American Badass.” They tussle (can’t lie again, it looked awesome) and the fourth raptor that’s been MIA shows up out of nowhere and decides to help out the T-Rex.  There’s that tweaked homage to the first movie we’ve all been waiting for. Finally, the I-Rex is obviously a tough cookie as it’s demolished everything at this point. How will our two dino heroes win? By pushing it close enough to the edge of the giant swimming dinosaur’s pool to get munched. Can we officially brand that Dino Ex Machina? I understand the “More Teeth” line, but it’s not exactly the classic that “We’re going to need another boat!” is. Sure, 8 year old me would be over the moon about this streak of pandering (rolling 5 deep on a motorcycle with your raptor buddies is the stuff of dreams after all) but come on. The deadline for this script must have been a razor sharp one.
While mostly an inoffensive sequel, I was hoping for more. Jurassic World digs into an old well searching for more riches, but comes up with the same soggy dirt that is better off left alone. I was 12 when Jurassic Park came out and it completely blew my mind (it still holds up) so I’m really biased on this one. But I don’t think any can argue that World devolves into nothing more than a pale blue imitation.
P.S.- Holywood. You might want to give up on Terminator while we’re having this discussion.